I don't want to sleep. I should, I have an early morning and it is rapidly approaching. So why am I still here, looking at this screen, sitting in the corner of my quiet, sleeping house?

I was afraid today, and I could not overcome it. For the first time in a very long while, perhaps even ever, I did not- could not- make myself do what it was I feared. I backed out. The worst part was, I could have done it. I know I could have made myself do it - I just did not care enough. I climbed up and looked over the edge, and I stood there and said 'I can't' and I didn't care. I let my fear control me, and I didn't, and in a way still don't, care. That thought almost makes me sick. But if I were to be up there tomorrow, I would back out again. I hate that knowledge, but you know what, I tell myself that I don't care.